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Written humourously but:
>From a recent Jon Carroll column in the San Francisco Chronicle:
THE FOLLOWING IS an artifact of the Net. Someone wrote it, but his or her
name is lost in the mists of cybertime. I will send cash money to the actual
author if he or she comes forward.
Usually I don't print giant hunks of Net stuff, on the theory (mentioned
below) that probably many people have already seen it. But it is obvious
that many people still have not absorbed the information presented here -- I
hope to correct that situation.
The original document was called ``The E-mail Facts of Life.'' I present it
as a public service. Feel free to distribute. If everyone understood these
very true truths, what a much better world it would be:
1. Big companies don't do business via chain letter. Bill Gates is not
giving you $1,000, and Disney is not giving you a free vacation. There is no
baby food company issuing class-action checks. You can relax; there is no
need to pass it on ``just in case it's true.'' Furthermore, just because
someone said in the message, four generations back, that ``we checked it out
and it's legit,'' that does not actually make it true.
2. There is no kidney theft ring in New Orleans. No one is waking up in a
bathtub full of ice, even if a friend of a friend swears it happened to
their cousin. If you are hell-bent on believing the kidney-theft ring
stories, please see:
http://urbanlegends.tqn.com/library/weekly/aa062997.htm.
And I quote: ``The National Kidney Foundation has repeatedly issued requests
for actual victims of organ thieves to come forward and tell their stories.
None have.'' That's ``none'' as in ``zero.'' Not even your friend's cousin.
3. Neiman Marcus doesn't really sell a $200 cookie recipe. And even if they
do, we all have it. And even if you don't, you can get a copy at
http://www.bl.net/forwards/cookie.html. Then, if you make the recipe and
decide that the cookies are that awesome, feel free to pass the recipe on.
4. We all know 500 ways to drive roommates crazy, irritate co-workers and
creep out people on an elevator. We also know exactly how many engineers,
college students, Usenet posters and people from each and every world
ethnicity it takes to change a lightbulb.
5. Even if the latest NASA rocket disaster(s) DID contain plutonium that
went particulate over the Eastern seaboard, do you REALLY think this
information would reach the public via an AOL chain letter?
*******************************************************
6. There is no ``Good Times'' virus. In fact, you should never, ever, ever
forward any e-mail containing any virus warning unless you first confirm it
at an actual site of an actual company that actually deals with virii. Try
http://www.norton.com. And even then, don't forward it. We don't care.
********************************************************
7. If your CC: list is regularly longer than the actual content of your
message, you're probably going to hell.
8. If you're using Outlook, IE or Netscape to write e-mail, turn off the
``HTML encoding.'' Those of us on UNIX shells can't read it and don't care
enough to save the attachment and then view it with a Web browser, since
you're probably forwarding us a copy of the goddamned Neiman Marcus Cookie
Recipe anyway.
9. If you still absolutely must forward that 10th-generation message from a
friend, at least have the decency to trim the eight miles of headers showing
everyone else who's received it over the last six months. It sure wouldn't
hurt to get rid of all the ``)'' that begin each line. Besides, if it has
gone around that many times -- I've probably already seen it.
10. Craig Shergold in England is not dying of cancer or anything else at
this time and would like everyone to stop sending him their business cards.
He apparently is also no longer a ``little boy'' either.
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