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Subject: -I- Lingo for the next millenia
Just to be sure everyone is in touch with the latest jargon:
You've all heard the recently coined slang phrase "Going Postal". Here are some more examples, from the book "Jargon Watch", just published by Wired magazine . . .
By the way, for the out of touch: Going Postal - Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages.
Adminisphere - The rarified organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
Alpha Geek - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "Ask Mike, he's the alpha geek around here."
Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
Blowing Your Buffer - Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the person you are speaking with won't let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed. "Damn, I just blew my buffer!"
Bookmark -To take note of a person for future reference (a metaphor borrowed from web browsers). "I bookmarked him after seeing his cool demo at Siggraph."
Beepilepsy - The brief seizure people sometimes have when their beeper goes off (especially in vibrator mode). Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and interruption of speech in midsentence.
Brain Fart - A biproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly. A burst of useful information. "I know you're busy on the Microsoft story, but can you give us a brain fart on the Mitnik bust?" Variation of old hacker slang that had more negative connotations.
Career-Limiting Move (CLM) - Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM .
CGI Joe - A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure.
Chip Jewelry - A euphamism for old computers destined to be scrapped or turned into decorative ornaments. "I paid three grand for that Mac SE, and now it's nothing but chip jewelry."
Chips and Salsa - Chips = hardware, salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."
Crapplet - A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just wasted 30 minutes downloading this stinkin' crapplet!"
Cobweb Site - A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated for a long time. A dead web page.
Dancing Baloney - Little animated GIFs and other Web F/X that are useless and serve simply to impress clients. "This page is kinda dull. Maybe a little dancing baloney will help."
Dead Tree Edition - The paper version of a publication available in both paper and electronic forms, as in: "The dead tree edition of the San Francisco Chronicle..."
Depotphobia - Fear associated with entering a Home Depot because of how much money one might spend. Electronics geeks experience Shackophobia.
"Dilberted" - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week." also known in western Washington State as "Spacelabbed"
Dorito Syndrome - Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome."
Egosurfing - Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers looking for the mention of your name.
Elvis Year - The peak year of something's popularity. "Barney the dinosaur's Elvis year was 1993."
Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him . . . he's 404, man."
Generica - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is. "We were so lost in generica, I actually forgot what city we were in."
GOOD Job - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.
Glazing - Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. "Didn't he notice that half the room was glazing by the second session?"
Graybar Land - The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the screen). "I was in graybar land for what seemed like hours, thanks to that CAD rendering."
Gray Matter -Older, experienced business people hired by young entrpreneurial firms looking to appear more reputable and established.
Nyetscape -Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.
Irritainment - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.
It's a Feature - From the 'Mr. Bill' adage "It's not a bug, it's a feature." Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant experience that you wish to gloss over.
Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.
Link Rot - The process by which links on a web page became as obsolete as the sites they're connected to change location or die.
Nyetscape - Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.
Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. Seen in Elizabeth P. Crowe's book The Electronic Traveller.
Open-Collar Workers - People who work at home or telecommute.
PEBCAK - Tech support shorthand for "Problem Exists Between Chair and Keyboard." (Techies are a frustrated, often arrogant lot. They've submitted numerous acronyms and terms that poke fun at the clueless users who call them up with frighteningly stupid questions. Another variation on the above is ID10T: "This guy has an ID-Ten-T on his system.")
Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
Plug-and-Play - A new hire who doesn't need any training. "The new guy, John, is great. He's totally plug-and-play."
Prairie Dogging - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a "cube farm" (an office full of cubicles) and everyone's head pops up over the walls to see what's going on.
Salmon Day -The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed in the end. See also "Spacelabbed"
Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything and then leaves.
Squirt The Bird - To transmit a signal up to a satellite. "Crew and talent are ready...what time do we squirt the bird?"
Telephone Number Salary - A salary (or project budget) that has seven digits.
Tourists - People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had about three serious students in the class; the rest were tourists."
Umfriend - A relationship of dubious standing. "This is Hank, my...um...friend..."
Under Mouse Arrest - Getting busted for violating an online service's rule of conduct. "Sorry I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under mouse arrest."
Uninstalled - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance." See also Decruitment (but not in this list).
Vulcan Nerve Pinch - The taxing hand position required to reach all of the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the warm boot for a Mac II involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command key, the Return key and the Power On key.
World Wide Wait - The real meaning of WWW.
"Yuppie Food Stamps" - The ubiquitous (widespread) $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We all owe $8 each, but all anybody's got is yuppie food stamps."
Charles Kaucher
In every person who comes near you look for what is good and strong; honor that; try to imitate it, and your faults will drop off like dead leaves when their time comes. -John Ruskin
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