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Explaining common financial terms:EBITDA: earnings before I tricked
damn auditor.EBIT: earnings before irregularities and tampering.CEO:
chief embezzlement officer.CFO: corporate fraud officer.NAV: normal
Anderson valuation.FRS: fantasy reporting standards.P/E: parole
entitlement.EPS: eventual prison sentence.BULL MARKET -- A random market
movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.BEAR
MARKET -- A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets
no jewelry, and the husband gets no.MOMENTUM INVESTING -- The fine art of
buying high and selling low.VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and
selling lower.P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants
as the market keeps crashing.BROKER -- What my broker has made me."BUY,
BUY" -- A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the
plane.STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.STOCK ANALYST --
Idiot who just downgraded your stock.STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and
her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.FINANCIAL PLANNER --
A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet
paper and cigarettes.MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy
stocks.CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the
toilet.YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240
per share.WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker that
bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor
who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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