Off topic: Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE)

[adleone <adleone@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

/* Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE):*/

#include <NONsense.h> 
#include <lies.h> 
#include <spyware.h> /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */ 
#include <process.h> /* For the court of law */ 

#define say(x) lie(x) 
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE 
#define soon next_year 
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship   another_beta_version 

void main()
{
 if (latest_window_version > one_month_old)
 {
 if (there_are_still_bugs)
  market(bugfix);
 if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
  raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
 }
 while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
 {
 make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call,
       in
       lie.h */
 if (rumours_grow_wilder)
  make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
 if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
 {
  market_time=ripe;
  say("It will be ready in one month");
  order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
  order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
  order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
  vapourware=TRUE;
  break;
 }
 }
 switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
 {
 case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
  say("It will be ready in",
   today+30_days,
   " we're just testing");
  break;
 case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
  say("Yes it will work");
  ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
  pretend(there_is_no_problem);
  break;
 case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
  say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"
   " the 32 bits architecture");
  inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
  inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"
  "'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");
  inform(QUANTUM,
   "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
  get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
  break;
 case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
  say("Oh no, we are just here to make "
   " a better world for everyone");
  register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
  when(time_is_ripe)
  {
   arrest(journalist);
   brainwash(journalist);
   when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree)
   {
    order(journalist,
    "write a nice objective article");
    release (journalist);
   }
  }
  break;
 }
 while (vapourware)
 {
 introduction_date++; /* Delay */
 if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
  break;
 say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);
 }
 release(beta_version);
 while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
 {
 bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
 release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
 introduce(more_memory_requirements);
 if (customers_report_installation_problems)
 {
  say("that is a hardware problem, "
   "not a software problem");
  if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
  {
   ignore(customer);
   order(microsoft_intelligence_agency,
    "Keep an eye on this bastard");
  }
 }
 if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years )
 {
  divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
  wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
  marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
  devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
  if (boobies_start_to_hang)
   dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
 }

 if (there_is_another_company)
 {
  steal(their_ideas);
  accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);
  hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
  wait(




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