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Yes! Great. It is weekend and lets forget the serious emails for a while!
This show must go on.
Gary Fritz schreef:
> > : 1. Look up "revocation" in the now official Oxford Dictionary
> > ($75.00).
> > You guys look up the word "revolution" first.
>
> Mighty good comeback! But I just got one that's even better:
>
> > The American response:
>
> DATE: 11/15/2000 (that's 15/11/2000 to you)
> TO: United Kingdom
> FROM: The United States of America
> SUBJECT: NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
>
> To the citizens of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern
> Ireland, we welcome your concern about our electoral process. It
> must be exciting for you to see a real Republic in action, even if
> from a distance. As always we're amused by your quaint belief that
> you're actually a world powe
>
> However, we regretfully have to decline your offer for intervention.
> On the other hand, it would be amusing to see you try to enforce your
> new policy (for the 96.3% of you that seem to have forgotten that you
> have little to no real power). After much deliberation, we have
> decided to continue our
>
> To help you rise from your current anachronistic status, we have
> compiled a series of helpful suggestions that we hope you adopt:
>
> 1. Realize that language is an organic structure, and that you aren't
> always correct in your pronunciation or spelling. Let's use your
> "aluminium" example. Sir Humphrey Davy (an Englishman) invented the
> name "aluminum" (note spelling) for the metal. However, in common
> usage the name evolved into "aluminium" to match the naming
> convention of other elements. In 1925 the United States decided to
> switch back to the _original_ spelling and pronunciation of the word,
> at which point we dominated the aluminum industry. We'd also like to
> point out that the process of actually producing aluminum was
> developed by an American and a Frenchman (not an Englishman).
>
> However, we'd like to thank you for the Oxford English Dictionary.
> It's an interesting collection, considering that over 10,000 of the
> words in the original edition were submitted by a crazy American
> civil-war veteran named Dr. William Charles Minor.
>
> 2. Learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents, and then
> we'll talk about the English and Australian accent issue.
>
> 3. Review your basic arithmetic. (Hint 100 - 98.85 = 1.15 and 100 -
> 97.85 = 2.15)
>
> 4. If you want English actors as good guys, then make your own
> movies. Don't rely on us for your modern popular culture. We liked
> "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels", "Trainspotting", and "The
> Full Monty". We've also heard good things about this "Billy Elliot".
> But one good movie a year doesn't exactly make a cultural powerhouse.
> However, you're doing pretty well with music, so keep up the good
> work on that front.
>
> 5. It's inefficient to have a national anthem that changes its title
> whenever your monarch dies. Let's not forget that your national
> anthem has an extremely boring tune. We suggest switching to that
> Rule Britannia ditty, it's toetapping. Or maybe Elton John could
> adapt "Candle In The Wind" again for you guys.
>
> 6. Improve at your national sport. Football? Soccer? This just in:
> United States gets fourth place in men's soccer at the 2000 Summer
> Olympics. United Kingdom? Not even close. By the way, impressive
> showing at Euro 2000. You almost managed to get through the
> tournament without having your fans start an international incident.
>
> 7. Learn how to cook. England has some top notch candy. Salt 'n'
> Vinegar chips are quite yummy. However, there's a reason why the
> best food in your country is Indian or Chinese. Your contributions
> to the culinary arts are soggy beans, warm beer, and spotted dick.
> Perhaps when you finally realize the French aren't the spawn of Satan
> they'll teach you how to cook.
>
> 8. You're doing a terrible job at understanding cars. The obvious
> error is that you drive on the wrong side of the road. A second
> problem is pricing, it's cheaper to buy a car in Belgium and ship it
> to England than to buy a car in England. On the other hand, we like
> Jaguars and Aston Martins. That's why we bought the companies.
>
> 9. We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for
> "Teletubbies". Thank you for your time. You can now return to
> watching bad Australian soap operas.
>
> P.S. Regarding WW2: You're Welcome.
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