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On the lighter side, this one's for Dimitris. Enjoy:
At New York's Kennedy
airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school
teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a
ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, and a calculator. Attorney General John
Ashcroft believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra
movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math
instruction. Al-gebra is a very fearsome cult, indeed. They desire
average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on a tangent
in a search of absolute value. They consist of quite shadowy figures,
with names like "x" and "y", and, although they are frequently referred to
as "unknowns", we know they really belong to a common denominator and are
part of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the
great Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to
every angle, and if God had wanted us to have better weapons of math
instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes.
Therefore, I'm extremely grateful that our government has given us a
sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are so
willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. These statistics
bastards love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence. Under the
circumferences, it's time we differentiated their root, made our point,
and drew the line. These weapons of math instruction have the potential
to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen
unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in
random facts of vertex. As our Great Leader would say, Read my
ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of---though they
continue to multiply, their days are numbered and the hypotenuse will
tighten around their necks.
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