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Inspection Teams....Have you noticed
anything fishy about the inspection teams who havearrivedin Iraq?
They're all men! How in the name of the United Nations doesanyoneexpect
men to find Saddam's stash? We all know that men have ablind spotwhen it
comes to finding things. For crying' out loud! Men can't findthedirty
clothes hamper. Men can't find the jar of jelly until it
fallsoutofthe cupboard and splatters on the floor.... and these are
the peoplewe havesent into Iraq to search for hidden weapons of mass
destruction?I keep wondering why groups of mothers weren't sent in.
Mothers cansniff outsecrets quicker than a drug dog can find a gram of
dope. Motherscan find ginbottles that dads have stashed in the attic
beneath the rafters. Theycansniff out a diary two rooms and one floor
away. They can tell when thelid ofa cookie jar has been disturbed and
notice when a quarter inch slicehas beenshaved off a chocolate cake. A
mother can smell alcohol on yourbreath beforeyou get your key in the
front door and can smell cigarette smoke froma blockaway. By examining
laundry, a mother knows more about their kidsthanSherlock Holmes. And if
a mother wants an answer to question, shecan read anoffender's eyes
quicker than a homicide detective. So... consideringthevalue a mother
could bring to an inspection team, why are we sendinga bunchof old men
who will rely on electronic equipment to scout out
hiddenthreats? A mother would walk in with a wooden soup
spoon in one hand,grab Saddam bythe ear, give it a good twist and snap,
"Young man, do you have anyweaponsof mass destruction?" And God help him
if he tried to lie to her.She'dmarchhim down the street to some
secret bunker and shove his nose into anuclearbomb and say, "Uh, huh,
and what do you call this, mister?" Whap!Thump!Whap! Whap! Whap! And
she'd lay some stripes across his barebottom with thatsoup spoon, then
march him home in front of the whole of Baghdad.He'd notonly come clean
and apologize for lying about it, he'd cut every lawninBaghdad for free
for the whole damn summer.... You want the job done? Call a mother.
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