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GREAT STUFF! THANK YOU IRA!
I'm rolling on the floor with laughter!
I love it... just what I needed to start today off
right!
Warmly,
Brian
At 07:28 AM 12/14/2002 -0800, you wrote:
And
you wonder why we are in trouble.
Read This and Feel Smarter -- instantly
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live
forever,
because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live
forever,
but
we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live
forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over
the
world, I
can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not
with
all
those flies and death and stuff,"
--Mariah Carey.
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part
of
your
life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for
federal
antismoking campaign.
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my
body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime
rates
in
the
country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our
papers.
We are the president,"
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed
documents.
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a
jackass,
and
I'm
just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.
"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from
them.
There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the
Indians
were
selfishly trying to keep it for themselves."
--John Wayne.
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark.
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment.
It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, ex Vice President.
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan Quayle.
" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way
or
another."
--George Bush, US President.
"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we
need?"
--Lee Iacocca.
"I was provided with additional input that was radically different
from
the
truth. I assisted in furthering that version,"
--Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.
"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius
is a guy
like
Norman Einstein,"
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types
of
people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President.
"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not
occur."
--Al Gore, VP
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from
overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March
1992 because we received notice that you passed away.
May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your
circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night
as
they
go
to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And
the
next
morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
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