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Some humor for a Friday:
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Stock Market Dictionary for the past year's investor:
Momentum Investing:
The fine art of buying high and selling low.
Value Investing:
The fine art of buying low and selling lower.
Broker:
Poorer than you were in 1999.
P/E ratio:
The percentage of investors wetting their pants as this market
keeps crashing.
Standard & Poor:
Your life in a nut shell.
Stock Analyst:
Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Bull Market:
A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself
for a financial genius.
Bear Market:
A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife
gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.
Stock split:
When your ex-wife and her lawyer divide all your assets equally
between themselves.
Financial Planner:
A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the
7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
Market Correction:
The day after you buy stocks.
Cash Flow:
The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Call Option:
Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times
before e-mail.
Cisco:
Side kick of Poncho.
Yahoo:
What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $540
per share.
Windows 2000:
What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo
for $540 per share.
Institutional Investor:
Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut house.
Profit:
Religious guy who talks to God.
Bill Gates:
Where God goes for a loan.
Alan Greenspan:
God.
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