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If one listened to anything this clown Cramer said this year, they would
have an account with a much lower balance.
I have been watching this jokers comments on his site and on Yahoo, and he
has got to be one of the absolute worst stock 'analysts'/touts on the planet
earth PERIOD.
He deserves for his dot-bomb to be where it is. IMHO.
JT
----- Original Message -----
From: "J W" <inbox@xxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: <realtraders@xxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Saturday, November 25, 2000 3:09 AM
Subject: [RT] Cramer dreams meeting Alan Greenspan
> Wrong! Tactics and Strategies: Big Al's Got a Message for Buzz and
> Batch
>
> By James J. Cramer
>
> 11/24/00 9:09 AM ET
>
> Strangest thing happened the other day.
>
> A man came to the office door. I happened to be opening some other
> peoples' mail at the desk when he poked in. I almost dropped the
> letter opener on my foot.
>
> "Alan Greenspan?" I said, shocked that he would be on the 24th floor
> of my nondescript office building. He ignored me.
>
> "Is this the office of Buzz Gould and Batch Hammer?" he asked, and
> for a moment I thought, "Maybe it isn't him, maybe it's not Andrea
> Mitchell's husband. He's speaking way too plainly, with not even a
> hint of obfuscation."
>
> "No sir," I said, trying to figure out whether I was being
> sycophantic or just plain emphatic. "I don't believe those gentlemen
> are working the day after Thanksgiving."
>
> He looked puzzled for a second, stroked his chin and said, in that
> avuncular way he addresses some of the more stupid congressmen at one
> of those darned Humphrey Hawkins interruptions -- you know that
> patronizing tone --"Perhaps you are familiar enough with them and
> their peculiar performance methodology?"
>
> I assured the great man I knew all about their incredible scheme to
> prop up their stocks in order to get more money to continue to propel
> their stocks higher, a sort of perpetual-motion performance machine
> that has nothing to do with the actions of companies themselves --
> neither their net worth nor their prospects. I said it all in
> incredibly compound and complex Latinate phrasing, to show the Fed
> chief that I, too, could speak in ways that required difficult
> parsing and impossible textual analysis.
>
> He smiled. He felt at home.
>
> "Mind if I come in and sit at your trading desk for a moment, as I
> have a message for your friends Mr. Gould and Mr. Hammer?" I assured
> him that they were no friends of mine in style or methodology. In
> perhaps a subtle attempt at humor, he asked me if they made fun of my
> balding pate. I chose to ignore the riposte.
>
> The distinguished Fed chairman then pulled up at the desk of Matt "M-
> 2" Jacobs, 35 centimeters from mine, and proceeded to impart a
> sobering message to Messieurs Gould and Hammer via their nemesis down
> the hall. I tried to get as much of it down as I could, so I could
> share it with you, too.
>
> "Are you familiar with the concept of the risk premium, Mr. Cramer?"
> I assured Greenspan I understood it completely and certainly.
>
> "It seems to this Federal Reserve chieftain that the firm of Gould
> and Hammer has violated and corrupted the notion of risk," he said.
> He intoned Gould and Hammer as I imagine he would have said "Scrooge
> and Marley" in a different era.
>
> "By aiding their common stock positions in an unseemly way, by
> keeping up the Redbacks and the Redhats far beyond where they would
> naturally trade, by keeping the proverbial balls in the air far
> longer than they should be, they have created an atmosphere, if you
> will, where individual investors, the bedrock of this great nation's
> financial welfare, believe that they no longer face the uncertain
> fortunes, the so-called cyclical downdrafts, that have formerly
> plagued the market periodically, reminding the citizens of this
> country that the stock market is an inherently risky, one would say,
> quite risky, field of endeavor that should be considered dangerous to
> all but a handful of participants, and only those who truly and
> completely understand the hazards of the rights to ownership of
> complex businesses during a difficult, if not extraordinarily
> challenging time, or times, depending upon your time frame or sense
> of era."
>
> "Wow," I found myself saying, well out of the Latinate vernacular of
> the distinguished chief. "You mean people feel there's no risk to
> owning equities when they give the money to Gould & Hammer?"
>
> He looked at me as if I were one of the few who could really divine
> Fed-speak and said, "Precisely and absolutely." At that very moment I
> could have broken into Gilbert & Sullivan song, had I only hung
> around with the right people at Harvard instead of the thugs at Eliot
> House.
>
> "I would like you to impart this particular message to these two
> alchemists," he said with a detectable sneer. "You can tell these two
> charlatans that I will keep short-term rates up higher than would
> naturally be expected at this late point in the business cycle
> because I don't want the great people of this nation to be seduced
> and abandoned by the kinds of tricks these fellows are playing. I
> want them to know that I will break the animal spirits of this market
> and send their Epiphanies and Kanas and Applied Micro Circuits and
> Junipers and SDLIs and JDSUs to single numerals if I have to, to keep
> this nation out of the grips of the Japanese-like recession spiral
> that would be our natural path if we were to allow the Goulds and the
> Hammers to remain unchecked in their nefarious schemes."
>
> I thought for a second, trying to behave the way one of those
> Franklin translators would perform, and I blurted out "You mean,
> you'll keep killing the Nazzdogs as long as those clowns down the
> hall keep trying to manipulate their tech stocks higher in the face
> of declining earnings?"
>
> His eyes widened. A grin appeared where only a stolid, jutted jaw had
> resided, and he nodded slowly. A gesture that spoke more than 2,454
> of his words. I had figured it out. But there was something I had to
> ask, something that bothered me and that seemed almost like a
> sledgehammer doing the job of a little claw hammer in bringing down
> the four-letter morsels that Gould and Hammer love so much.
>
> "Mr Chairman," I said, trying to look as trenchant as I could, "I
> traffic in the equities of the real economy, the International Papers
> and the Dow Chemicals, the Procter & Gambles and the Black & Deckers,
> and for those denizens of the financial and economic firmament (the
> man's phrasing is infectious), the Mascos and the Georgia Pacifics,
> these high short rates are proving to be the bane of their existence.
> Is it fair, is it right, sir, that the workers at General Motors, let
> alone the capital that backs them, suffer so severely because of the
> too-high, chimerical price-to-earnings multiples of the
> business-to-business infrastructure and telecommunication-
> semiconductor stocks that Gould and Hammer operate on to keep their
> performance up? Somehow it doesn't seem right to me that nine-tenths
> of the real economy suffers because of the machinations of a couple
> of stock jockeys down the hall."
>
> The grin turned downcast in midsentence. He nodded his head several
> times in agreement, and then spoke the words I was so afraid to hear
> for those of us who toil in the sobering portions of the S&P and
> Nasdaq 100.
>
> "The potential destruction of the earnings cycle through supremely
> higher short-term rates is the moral hazard, the so-called price we
> have to pay, to rid ourselves of those who think that owning stocks
> is a risk-free opportunity." He then pulled close enough to me that
> it was clear he didn't want the others in the office to hear. "You
> seem to be a student of my work," he noted. "Perhaps you recall
> that 'irrational exuberance' comment I let slip a few years ago?" I
> nodded quickly. I didn't want to interrupt the man. "I spoke those
> words because at the time I didn't understand how this mutual fund
> scheme worked. I didn't know that most of these money managers knew
> nothing about the business cycle and didn't care to know anything. I
> didn't understand the methodology by which these managers maintained
> their performance, to wit, that they simply never sold any equities
> and just used additional funds to propel their Corning Glasses and
> Veritases and Verisigns and Vitesses," and he paused there as you
> could tell the man was digging that alliteration, "to levels that
> were positively Nippon-like in their ludicrous over-valuatory
> extendedness, thereby precipitating an overconfident, some would say,
> filled with hubris, investor to the point where risk, or at least the
> notion of risk, ceased to, if you will, exist."
>
> Hmmm. Only now, reading over those words, do I think I have a clue as
> to what he was saying. At the time I merely nodded, and said "Righty-
> o, Professor" as if I were momentarily transported to Gilligan's
> Island. He looked at me, puzzled, and seemed to sense that perhaps
> it was time to move on.
>
> "But, but, Mr. Greenspan, would you be willing to risk a recession
> just to teach the boys down the hall a lesson in risk?" With that, he
> jumped up, still spry, still fly, for a 70-year-old, and said "You
> just be sure to tell them that there are issues here that they can no
> longer trifle with, and that we will no longer tolerate their
> attempts to create a risk-free atmosphere where one should not
> exist."
>
> Next thing I knew, the little man, beat-up briefcase in hand, had his
> taupe raincoat on and was out the door. "Pleasure to meet you," I
> said, sticking out my hand through the doorway. But he was already in
> the elevator and simply waved, wearily, and looked down solemnly as
> the golden doors closed.
>
> James J. Cramer is manager of a hedge fund and co-founder of
> TheStreet.com.
>
>
>
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>
>
>
>
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