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This PC Week
Wacky responses prove you're not 'bugged' by Y2K
By John Dodge
December 13, 1999 9:00 AM ET
Other than people who have worked on the problem, virtually no one is taking
the Millennium Bug seriously. How do I know? Last week, I asked readers what
they were doing personally to prepare for Y2K. Of the 100 or so responses,
none was of a practical nature. People couldn't contain themselves. My call
for "creative" solutions was nothing less than an opportunity to let the
imagination run wild.
Face it, folks. You think you're safe from all the projected Y2K disasters.
Many of you blame the media for exaggerating the dangers. Justifiably. Some
of the TV reporting has been awful, preying on the citizenry's worst fears,
regardless of the facts.
That said, some of the answers are hilarious, and that, in and of itself,
makes sharing them with you worthwhile. You can also see and hear some good
ones (mostly different and very funny ones) in The Dodge Report. I removed
the names to protect the innocent, the embittered and the criminally (and
minimally) insane.
"I'm stockpiling toilet paper. This will be the most valuable commodity. I
expect Charmin Ultra to be the gold standard."
"I am trying to get my wife pregnant before the millennium, just in case my
'hardware' is not Y2K-compliant (despite rigorous testing ...)."
"I live on the third floor of an apartment complex in a Dallas suburb. While
I do have a shotgun for bird hunting and I am a licensed Concealed Carry
permit holder, firearms are not a part of my readiness plan." Methinks he
doth protest ...
"Living in Seattle as I do, a mere three blocks from Pike Place Market,
first on my list of preparations is a gas mask. Having witnessed firsthand
the brutal and random nature of police action during a time of chaos, I'm
loath to be at the mercy of these folk again."
"I'm going to be in my church when the clock strikes 12 on Dec. 31. It has
plenty of food, both for the body and soul. It's the safest place to be."
(Understand that this response was from a priest.)
"Dear John: Get it? Dear John? Never mind. I just wanted to say that.
Thanks!" Signed, "Nostradamus Jones."
"I am doing absolutely nothing about the Y2K preparation but putting my
faith in God. The problems I feel will occur will be from the public, who
have overexaggerated and at the same time profited from all the Y2K hype."
"I have personally acquired one cow, one chicken and one Y2K-ready pet Sony
Robo-dog (Hal). He is proving to be a real herder and has managed to, twice
now, corral my cow (Bessie) and my chicken (Bach) into a 10-foot makeshift
pen. With a 50-pound bag of rice and beans, I can make chicken and beef
burritos for the whole neighborhood for all of January."
"I've been watching 'Grizzly Adams' reruns and saving my money to buy all
those stocks that are going to plunge because people foolishly jerk their
money from them. I'll be writing my next opinion on Y2K from a sunny beach
in the south of France."
"Our main objective in Y2K preparations was to ensure that we have our
morning coffee. We bought a hand coffee grinder and a non-electric coffee
maker, a small butane stove, coffee beans, and milk in sterile packages
(like individual juice boxes) that don't need refrigeration."
"I am going to get drunk at my best friends' house, and at 12:00 midnight,
I'm going to shut the power off from the fuse box to freak them out."
There you have it, folks. As we get down to crunch time, the doom and gloom
seem to be lifting. That's because, of course, we're all in denial.
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