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I can't help it --- I was a lawyer in a prior life:
Why does society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
To prevent clients from being billed twice for the same services.
What do you get when you cross a phony politician with a crooked lawyer?
Chelsea.
A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.
"$100 for three questions," replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully steep?"
asked the man. "Yes," said the lawyer, "and what is your third question?"
Upon writing a Will for an old lady, her lawyer told her "That'll be $100."
She gave him a $100 bill, not noticing that stuck under it was a second $100
bill. Immediately, the ethical question arose in the lawyer's mind: "Do I
report it on my taxes?"
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one
of them, would you go to lunch or continue reading the paper?
A bandit from Ciudad Juarez specialized in crossing the Rio Grande and
robbing banks in El Paso. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture,
and an enterprising Texas Ranger determined to track him down. After a
lengthy search, the Ranger traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck
up behind him, put his trusty 45 to the bandit's temple, and said, "You're
under arrest. Tell me where you've been hiding the loot or I'll blow your
brains out." Unfortunately, the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger
didn't speak Spanish. Luckily, a bilingual lawyer was at the bar and
offered his services. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, "It's
buried under the oak tree behind the cantina!" "What'd he say?" demanded
the Ranger. The lawyer answered, "He said, 'Go fuck yourself, gringo! You
don't have the balls to shoot me.'"
Sincerely,
Oldfogey
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