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Here's an oldie but a goodie:
To: All Employees
From: The Management
Re: New Restroom Policy
In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under
informal guidelines. Effective immediately, a Restroom Trip Policy will be
established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for each
employee's restroom time and ensuring equal treatment of all employees.
Under the policy a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each
employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given twenty
Restroom Trip Credits. These credits may be accumulated.
Within four to six weeks, the entrance doors to all restrooms are being
equipped with personal identification stations and computer- linked voice
print recognition devices. Before the end of the month each employee must
provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to the
Human Resources Department. The voice print recognition station will be
operational but not restrictive during the entire month. Employees should
acquaint themselves with the stations during that period.
If the employee's Restroom Trip Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the
restrooms will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first of the
next month. In addition, all restroom stalls are being equipped with time
paper roll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than three minutes,
an alarm will sound. Thirty-seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of
paper will retract into the wall, the toilet will flush, 400 watts of
electricity will run through the toiler seat and the stall door will open.
Your picture will be taken.
The picture will then be posted on the bulletin board located in the
Employee Relations Office. Anyone's picture showing up three times will
immediately be terminated. If you have any questions about this policy,
please ask your supervisor. They have all received advanced instructions.
J. Edgar Hoover IV
Ex. VP Personnel
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