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: 1. Look up "revocation" in the now official Oxford Dictionary ($75.00).
You guys look up the word "revolution" first.
: 2. Learn at least the first 4 lines of "God Save The Queen"
God saves the Queen
The Fascist regime
That made you a moron
For taking your wife's barbs
God save the Queen
She ain't no human being
There's no future
And England's dreaming......
-from "Never Mind the Bollock's, Here's the Sex Pistols", copyright 1977
Warner Brothers
Shall I go on?
: 3. Start referring to "soccer" as football
Do we get the hooligans and yobs that comes with the English Premier League?
Should we hire a foreigner to manage our national team? No thanks!! How did
you guys lose to Romania (or was it Bulgaria) anyways? And who's in danger
of not qualifying for the World Cup?
: 4. Declare war on Quebec and France
Why should we? Just because the French are the World Champions in the sport
the English invented, soccer? :-)
: 5. Arrest Mel Gibson for treason
Let's give Mel Gibson a Distinguished Service Cross for "Braveheart" and a
Congressional Medal of Honor for "The Patriot".
: 6. Close down the NFL. Learn to play rugby
Why? Does your Rugby Union suffer from a lack of top notch talent? Are the
Kiwi's and Springboks still kicking your ass in another sport the English
invented? BTW, what were you guys smoking when you invented Crickett? Did
you inhale?
: 7. Enjoy warm flat beer and steak and kidney pudding.
We might as well as eat Yorkshire pudding and that awful fish and chips
wrapped in newspaper. I need to puke!!
: 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday, this has been replaced with
: November 5th. [Guy Fawkes Day]
And on every Nov. 5th, every American will have the right to blow up any
members of the British aristocracy or Parliament with either C4 or TnT in
honor of Guy Fawkes.
: 9. All members of this British Crown Dependency will be required to take
: 6 weeks annual vacation and observe statutory tea breaks.
I don't know about tea breaks but we've already threw a tea party for you
guys in Boston (in the 1770's) but you guys wouldn't leave. How rude!! We
had to kick you out with the help of the French and Spaniards.
But those 6 weeks of annual vacation will turn our country's economy's into
the EC's morbid mess.
: 10. Driving on the left is now compulsory - recall all cars to effect
: the change immediately.
What for? You guys can't even makes cars right (take a look at the Vauxhalls
and Sterlings. It took an American company - Ford- to turn Jaguar around.)
so why should we even drive the way you drive?
: 11. Report to our Consulate General in NY - M Wragg - for your new
: passport and job allocation.
Where? Sunny, Old England where it rains more than 80% of the year? What's
the forecast for the next 10 days in England? 30-50 degrees Farenheit and
massive amount of rain?
: 12. Have Meg Ryan report to the Prince Andrews Bedchamber.
Your Princes of the Blood are so repulsive such that they need compulsory
services from Hollywood hags?
: 13. Add the Royal insignia to the top of the Washington Monument
Elizabeth Regina on top of the Washington Monument? Somebody call Dr. Freud,
please!!
: 14. Stop referring to the World Series of Baseball and instead call it
: the National Series of USA, Cuba and Japan.
Why? The World Series has been around longer than the FA Cup, UEFA Cup or
Champion's League!!
: 15.Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly
to
: ensure the acquisiton of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Before which the Treasury Depart will present Her Majesty's Government with
a bill for saving your keisters from the Germans in the First and Second
World Wars. And the amount plus interest will be in US dollars, not in that
falling rock, the British Pound. And then we'll get out the tar and feathers
we've been stashing away since 1783.
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