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A reply from tech support. Editor's note, one may substitute a
BrownPaperBag(TM) for the sheet of computer paper mentioned below.
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While we believe we will be fully Y2K compliant by January 1, 2000, and most of
our subsidiary units and contractors claim they will also be fully compliant, we
obviously need to make some preparations in case unexpected challenges impair
our ability to meet the needs of our customers.
Enclosed with this memo is a "Y2K Backup System" device designed to meet short
time emergency needs in case of a computer operations failure, or operational
delay. This device is the company's Primary Emergency Network Computer Interface
Liaison device (P.E.N.C.I.L.). This device has been field tested extensively,
including certification testing, as well as volume and stress testing. Properly
maintained, the device meets all the requirements for coding and data input.
Prior to use, the (P.E.N.C.I.L.) will require preparation and testing. Tools and
supplies required will be: A sharpened knife or grinding device; and a supply of
computer paper (with or without holes).
Gripping the device firmly in your hand, proceed to scrape or grind the wooded
end until it has a cone-like appearance. The dark core area must be exposed to
properly function. (Left-handed employees should read this sentence backwards,
and then go to your supervisor for assistance.)
Place a single sheet of computer paper on a smooth, hard surface. Take the
backup device, place the sharpened point against the paper, and pull it across
the paper. If properly done, this will input a single line.
CAUTION: Excessive force may damage components of the device or damage the data
reception device. If either the P.E.N.C.I.L. or the paper are damaged, go back
to the preparation instructions above.
Proper use of the device will require data simulation input by the operator.
Placing the device against the computer page forming symbols as closely
resembling the computer lettering system you normally use. At the completion of
each of the simulated letters, lift the device off the page, move it slightly to
the right, replace it against the page, and form the next symbol. This may
appear tedious, and somewhat redundant, but, with practice, you should be able
to increase your speed and accuracy. The P.E.N.C.I.L. is equipped with a manual
deletion device. The device is located on the reverse end of the P.E.N.C.I.L.
Error deletions operate similarly to the "backspace" key on your computer.
Simply place the device against the erroneous data, and pull it backwards over
the letters. This should remove the error, and enable you to resume data
entries.
CAUTION: Excessive force may damage the data reception device. Insufficient
force, however, may result in less than acceptable deletion, and may require
re-initialization of action as above.
This device is designed with user maintenance in mind. However, if technical
support is required, you can still call your local computer desk supervisor at
(800)-YOU-DUMMY).
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