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[Fwd: FW: MAY GOODIES 7 (ERICH - IGNORE)]


  • To: doreen , FRANK OVADEK , gary , Gino Carlay , norwegian viking , omega-list
  • Subject: [Fwd: FW: MAY GOODIES 7 (ERICH - IGNORE)]
  • From: richard tobiassen
  • Date: Wed, 17 Jun 1998 14:04:13 -0400
  • Reply-to: rtobiass@xxxxxxx
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From: "Cooper, Daniel" 
To: "'rtobiass@xxxxxxx'" 
Subject: FW: MAY GOODIES 7 (ERICH - IGNORE)
Date: Wed, 17 Jun 1998 10:04:58 -0400
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>   For those of you interested in foreign languages...
>  
>  This paper was turned in by an Oakland High school student
>  who received the highest honors at the school district's ebonics
>  translation competition.
>  
>  Assignment:
>  Please translate the following song lyrics from ebonics to
>  standard English.
>  
>         Artist: Notorious B-I-G (a.k.a. Biggy Smalls)
>         Album: Ready to Die
>         Song: One more chance (remix)
>  
>  First things first, I poppa, freaks all the honeys
>  Dummies - playboy bunnies, those wantin' money
>  Those the ones I like 'cause they don't get nathan'
>  But penetration, unless it smells like sanitation
>  Garbage, I turn like doorknobs
>  Heart throb, never, black and ugly as ever
>  However, I stay coochied down to the socks
>  Rings and watch filled with rocks
>  
>  "As a general rule, I perform deviant sexual acts with women of
>  all kinds, including but not limited to those with limited intellect,
>  nude magazine models, and whores.  I particularly enjoy sexual
>  encounters with the latter group as they are generally
>  disappointed in the fact that they only receive penile intercourse
>  and nothing more, unless of course, they douche on a
>  consistent basis.  Although I am  extremely unattractive, I am
>  able to engage in these types of sexual acts with some
>  regularity.  Perhaps my sexuality is somehow related to my fancy
>  and expensive jewelery."
>  
>  And my jam knock in the Mitsubishi
>  Girls pee pee when they see me,
>  Nava-hoes creep me in they tee pee
>  As I lay down laws like I lay carpet
>  Stop it - if you think your gonna make a profit
>  
>  "I enjoy playing my music loudly on my car stereo.  Apparently,
>  women enjoy this also because they become sexually aroused
>  when they see me driving.  Oddly enough, when I visit the Native
>  American reservations, some of the more sexually promiscuous
>  Indian women attempt to seduce me in their homes.  Their intent
>  is to divest me of my earnings.  Such actions are unacceptable."
>  
>  Don't see my ones, don't see my guns - get it
>  Now tell ya friends Poppa hit it then split it
>  In two as I flow with the Junior Mafia
>  I don't know what the hell's stoppin' ya
>  I'm clockin' ya - Versace shades watchin' ya
>  Once ya grin, I'm in game, begin
>  
>  "Understand this fact: you can have neither my money, nor my
>  weapons.  I suggest that you inform your peers that we engaged
>  in violent sexual acts.  Currently, I am rapping with my
>  associates, the Junior Mafia.  I'm having some difficulty
>  understanding why you refuse to approach me.  I am attempting
>  to make eye contact with you through my expensives glasses,
>  and as soon as you respond with a smile, I will approach you."
>  
>  First I talk about how I dress and this
>  And diamond necklesses - stretch Lexuses
>  The sex is just immaculate from the back I get
>  Deeper and deeper - help ya reach the
>  Climax that your man can't make
>  Call and tell him you'll be home real late
>  Let's sing the break
>  
>  "I prefer to open the conversation with light banter about my
>  wardrobe and jewelery, then I like to discuss my collection of
>  expensive cars.  This is more than enough to convince you to
>  have sexual intercourse with me.  I am able to insert my penis
>  further into you when I enter you from  behind.
>  Furthermore, you will be able to reach orgasm.  I understand this
>  to be a problem with your current sexual partner.  He needn't be
>  concerned about your whereabouts.  Please phone him and
>  inform him that you won't be home for a while. By the way, please
>  sing the chorus of the song for me also."
>  
>  She's sick of that song on how it's so long
>  Thought he worked his until I handled my biz
>  There I is - major pain like Damon Wayans
>  Low down dirty even like his brother Keenan
>  Schemin' - don't bring your girl 'round me
>  True player for real, ask Puff Daddy
>  
>  "Your current love interest no longer wishes to hear your
>  fabrications about the length of your member.  After I had sexual
>  intercourse with your woman, she became enlightened as to the
>  proper way it is supposed to  be performed; violently and
>  immorally.  It would be in your best interest to  keep your woman
>  away from me as my sexual prowess is very strong.  If you are
>  unconvinced, ask Puff Daddy."
>  
>  You - ringin' bells with bags from Chanel
>  Baby Benz, traded in your Hyundai Excel
>  Fully equipped, CD changer with the cell
>  She beeped me, meet me at twelve
>  
>  "Despite the fact that you attempted to win her at her doorstep
>  with bags full of expensive clothes and a car (the lower end
>  model Mercedes Benz which you financed by signing over your
>  current vehicle) containing an expensive stereo and a cellular
>  phone, your woman has contacted me through my pager
>  indicating that we should rendezvous at midnight."
>  
>  Where you at? Flippin' jobs, playin' car notes?
>  While I'm swimmin' in ya women like the breast stroke
>  Right stroke, left stroke what's the best stroke
>  Death stroke - tongue all down her throat
>  Nuthin' left to do but send her home to you
>  I'm through - can ya sing the song for me, boo?
>  
>  "You, on the other hand, jump from job to job, barely able to
>  maintain payments on the Mercedes Benz you purchased for your
>  woman.  Meanwhile, I continue to engage in sexual intercourse
>  and commit lewd  osculatory acts with your women. My only
>  remaining option is to request that they  leave my home and
>  return to you because I have reached orgasm and no longer have
>  a need for their presence."
>  
>  So, what's it gonna be? Him or me?
>  We can cruise the world with pearls
>  Gator boots for girls
>  The envy of all women, crushed linen
>  Cartier wrist-wear with diamonds in 'em
>  The finest women I love with a passion
>  Ya man's a wimp, I give that ass a good thrashin'
>  
>  "The ultimate decision rests with you.  Whom do you choose as
>  your sexual partner.  I can take you on cruises around the world.
>  I will dress you in the finest jewelery and footwear.  You will be
>  envied by women  worldwide in your fine clothes and jewelery.
>  There is a special place in my heart for beautiful women.  I will
>  defeat yourman in an altercation because he is effeminate."
>  
>  High fashion - flyin' into all states
>  Sexin' me while your man masturbates
>  Isn't this great? Your flight leaves at eight
>  Her flight lands at nine, my game just rewinds
>  Lyrically I'm supposed to represent
>  I'm not only the client, I'm the player president
>  
>  "You will be dressed in finest clothes on the runways of Paris.  I
>  will fly you to every state to shop for fine clothes and jewelery.
>  You will enjoy sexual intercourse with me and your man will be
>  forced to pleasure himself through manual stimulation.  What a
>  life!  I'll return you to LaGuardia in time to catch your 8 o'clock
>  flight.  The timing is perfect becuase I have scheduled a date
>  with a second woman who arrives at the same gate at 9 o'clock.
>  I'll seduce her in the same way that I seduced you.  I rap well and
>  I am a positive reflection of my hometown.  Not only am I a
>  sexually deviant, misogynistic, immoral, wealthy, male prostitute,
>  but I also sit on the board of directors of the organization that
>  governs others of my kind.